Lost or Found?

How do you know if you are truly lost, or if you are actually finding yourself?  My life is almost the complete opposite of what it was only 2 years ago.  Basically my plans and dreams were leading me in one direction, then I find out it’s a dead-end.  Ok...back to square one. 

During my transition of leaving my marriage, my job was a welcomed pillar of stability.  However, as of last month...I am unemployed.  Down goes that last pillar.  Now what?  And that really is the big question.  Now what?  I have no idea.  What do I want to do?  I have no idea. 

But...I figure, everything has pretty much fallen apart, so instead of jumping back into the ring, why not take a step back, and find out what I actually enjoy.  I could go back into an office job...that does offer a measure of stability; or I can find a way to make money at something that brings a bit of light and joy to my life.  I want a sense of contentment and peace, and I have to discover where I will find that.  Do you love what you do?  Do you do what you love?  Is that a rarity?  I hope not.

If I could earn a living being an artist...I would.  It’s something I may explore.  I guess that’s it...I want to explore.  I want to find out what makes me happy and find a way to make a living at it!  Naturally this is my optimistic, head-cheerleader attitude, which is bound to falter when I have no money...but I’m here now!

 

So...am I lost, or am I going to find myself?  I have no idea.

A Unique Perspective

A few months ago I had expressed my opinion to someone and they got very upset.  They lashed out at me, and said that the only reason I felt the way I did, was because I had just been through a painful experience.

What I find interesting, is that because this person believed this...they easily and quickly dismissed my words.  I find this interesting because isn’t that what life is?  We have experiences and we learn from them, we grow from them, we are changed from them.  I am not the same woman I was 2 or 3 years ago.  That’s what happens with life...we change, we expand our frame of reference with each new experience.  We change our perceptions with each new revelation or insight. 

When someone goes through a crisis, or a trauma...how can we expect them to be the person they were before?  The person they were before, never had that trauma in their repertoire, so the very basic way this person saw the world, was very different.  When someone looses their parents, they now see the world from the perspective of a parent-less child.  When someone goes through a divorce, they now see the world from the perspective of a divorcee.  I believe that to dismiss someone’s opinions because they were formed or enforced by personal experience, is not only foolish, but ignorant. 

Where else do opinions come from?!  They come from experience, from education, from learning, from others.  They are the end-product of our experiences, feelings and beliefs.  Our opinions can bend and flex as our lives go on; as we learn new things, and are exposed to different realities.

If I had gone through my trauma, my experience, without having taken away new lessons or insights...that would have been very wasteful.  You don’t go through what I went through, and not have some changes of opinions and perspectives.

We all see the world through glasses that are tinted by our experiences.  Try not to dismiss another's opinion, just because your experiences don't allow for the same perspective.

Pole-Dancing and The De-Evolution of Feminism

What compels a woman to take pole-dancing classes?  I understand the concept of exercise and being in shape, I understand the concept of wanting to be sexy.  What I don’t understand is why a woman would choose a degrading, dehumanizing and objectifying activity, that was created for the sole purpose of entertaining perverts.

Now, I understand these women aren’t taking off their clothes and grinding on strangers, but they are making a very damaging statement.  They are normalizing the objectification of women...not only normalizing it, but contributing to it, encouraging it.  They are idolizing the behaviour of a sex industry worker.  How did female empowerment turn into nothing but sexual expression?  Why do so many women feel the need to take the power they have over themselves, and use it for self-objectification?

I believe that every woman can make her own decisions for her own life, but I believe that women are participating in the destruction and degradation of our gender.  Somewhere along the line feminism became a bad word.  Suddenly, all feminists were accused of being militant, or prudish. 

So, we have women fighting for their rights around the world.  Women in Saudi Arabia who are fighting for the right to drive a vehicle; women in Africa who are fighting for the right to not have their genitals mutilated as children; women in Asia fighting to avoid human trafficking.  There are women in Afghanistan who have to fight for the right to go to school.  There are women in Iran, who have to fight against being stoned to death, when their only “crime” was being raped by someone who wasn’t her husband.  There are women in Canada, being enslaved, abused, beaten and killed.  We have all these women, fighting for their dignity...and some still choose to throw theirs away.

And now, there is a fitness gym in the US, that is offering pole-dancing “gymnastics” to...little children.  They have even gone so far to post pole-dancing pictures of these 7, 8, 9, 10 year old girls on facebook...as though it were something to be proud of. 

The fact is, every woman is worth more than the value society has put on her; worth more than the value she has put on herself.  Pole-dancing is not an exercise; it’s a form of erotic entertainment where a woman is stripped down, and objectified by dirty men throwing money at her.

Jeez...whatever happened to Jazzercise?

Letting My Values Guide Me

What do you value?  It’s not something we really think about, or sit down and discuss or evaluate.   And it was never something I even thought to consider.  Until I was faced with a crisis.  When my world fell apart almost two years ago, I felt very lost.  Every dream, every hope, every image, every child I wanted to have was suddenly no longer an option.  I found my saving-grace in a workshop for women going through the same crisis.  There I learned the value of Values.

I learned that there were certain values that I had not only allowed others to betray...but I myself had betrayed them.  This was an eye-opener, a game-changer.   How can I claim to value Honesty, if I don’t acknowledge when someone lies to me?  How can I claim to value Communication, if I don’t tell others how I am feeling?  I realized that if I value something, I need to stand by it, I need to live by it.  My actions need to correspond with my values.

I learned that I need to base my decisions on what I value, and what I want out of life.  It has not been easy, because making the right decision can often be painful.  Making the decision to leave my ex husband was the hardest thing I had ever done.  I knew it had to be done, because staying would have meant sacrificing myself and my values.  It wasn’t until I was faced with this situation that I realized how much I needed my values, and how much they were the core of who I was.  I had to sit down and be honest with myself...and admit what it would mean if I stayed in the marriage.  It would have meant I was sacrificing everything I believed in.  If I valued: Self respect, honesty, trust, fidelity, communication, family, safety...I had to leave.  And while it was a most painful experience, I have never once looked back and regretted my decision.  I believe that surety comes from my new-found-faith in myself, my values, and my ability to make decisions that are right for me. 

I want to use this blog to shed light on issues and conflicts, that are important to me.  I have learned that I have a voice, and I value that voice, and I choose to use it.