Letting My Values Guide Me

What do you value?  It’s not something we really think about, or sit down and discuss or evaluate.   And it was never something I even thought to consider.  Until I was faced with a crisis.  When my world fell apart almost two years ago, I felt very lost.  Every dream, every hope, every image, every child I wanted to have was suddenly no longer an option.  I found my saving-grace in a workshop for women going through the same crisis.  There I learned the value of Values.

I learned that there were certain values that I had not only allowed others to betray...but I myself had betrayed them.  This was an eye-opener, a game-changer.   How can I claim to value Honesty, if I don’t acknowledge when someone lies to me?  How can I claim to value Communication, if I don’t tell others how I am feeling?  I realized that if I value something, I need to stand by it, I need to live by it.  My actions need to correspond with my values.

I learned that I need to base my decisions on what I value, and what I want out of life.  It has not been easy, because making the right decision can often be painful.  Making the decision to leave my ex husband was the hardest thing I had ever done.  I knew it had to be done, because staying would have meant sacrificing myself and my values.  It wasn’t until I was faced with this situation that I realized how much I needed my values, and how much they were the core of who I was.  I had to sit down and be honest with myself...and admit what it would mean if I stayed in the marriage.  It would have meant I was sacrificing everything I believed in.  If I valued: Self respect, honesty, trust, fidelity, communication, family, safety...I had to leave.  And while it was a most painful experience, I have never once looked back and regretted my decision.  I believe that surety comes from my new-found-faith in myself, my values, and my ability to make decisions that are right for me. 

I want to use this blog to shed light on issues and conflicts, that are important to me.  I have learned that I have a voice, and I value that voice, and I choose to use it.